Crazy Times

My anxiety didn't get much easier and I have been struggling so much with my insomnia. Not getting the right amount has been so hard but things in my life have made it even worse! So I'm just going to dive into the next couple days.
So for some reason I have been terrified of the dark and my restless leg keeps making me feel like I'm getting grabbed I know authors have over active imaginations but this is crazy lol.
The other thing plaguing me at the time was our living situation we rent one side of a duplex and they are trying to kick us out but my dad has been so sick we haven't been able to do it who as of right now is having complications with his liver we're not sure what will happen but it's pretty intense. So they forced my mom to go to court...I got absorbed in Youtube so I wouldn't have to deal with the stress I know that's not the best way to handle things but my anxiety has already been way intense so I honestly just couldn't handle it.
My friend Kaylee  (I'm not quite sure how spell her name cause I know she spells it differently so I just spelled it how it sounds) anyway her and her friend who's name escapes me came by Tuesday and talked with me and they were just so awesome. Anyway she found out the situation and invited me to come hang out with her Thursday and I of course agreed I haven't been out of my house in so long and I love hanging out with people. I thought that would be the first day this week I was busy I was wrong.
Wednesday my mom had to go to court but my cousin Ashley ended up in the hospital Tuesday night after getting a UTI and it spread making her go septic so I was asked to go babysit so my aunt Cindy could go with my mom for support. I was really tired I had a really bad night the night before but I agreed even though my mom had to fight me to get up. Once there I played with my honorary nephews and I was glad that I went. Cindy came home and told us how horrid the people at court were they laughed at my mom when she said my dad might die. So I did everything I could to not to lose it so I decided to stay and help her with the boys as a distraction. We went and saw Ashley who had to spend another night at the hospital due to high temperature. Then we went to the store so Cindy could finish her work and got Mcdonalds and spent the rest of the time at their house. I slept over but after finishing Joey Graceffa's book I tried to sleep and the panic got to me so I didn't sleep well at all.
Ashley came home yesterday so I woke up from like a four hour sleep to watch the boys so Cindy could go get her. I had a great time watching the boys but I had made the plans to hang out with Kaylee so I went home at about two and got ready since I didn't know when she was going to come get me. I started reading Shane Dawson's book while waiting and I'm almost done already I absolutely love these memoirs more then I thought I would.
Kaylee then came and we had a great night I had a great night with her, her sister Abbie and her friend Mark we played games and just laughed it was great I haven't laughed so much in a really long time. About 11:30 Kaylee took me home and she was talking with me and finally got me to let my guard down she just let me cry and talk to her about how stressed I have been with all of this going on and she told me about what was going on with her. It's a talk I will always cherish because I really felt so loved last night by her and by my Heavenly Father. We then said a prayer and I swear I could feel my Grandma and Grandpa Stillman with me letting me know everything was okay! I'm also going to get a blessing tonight to just up my comfort. After we hugged goodbye and I went inside and washed my makeup off I felt so calm I did something I haven't done in weeks I turned off the light and didn't fear something was going to come after me. I finally went into a deep sleep and slept in feeling like everything was going to be okay.
So despite what's happening just know that things will be okay. I know that it's hard trust me it's so hard you get tired you just want to give up. Just believe in yourself and those around you and if you are religious believe that God knows you and loves you and that you are not meant to fail. I love you all so much and I want you all to know how important you are!! Don't forget that your greatest attribute is your smile!