Serious Talk

So today's blog is going to be a tad different and very personal so hopefully you can take it to help you in your own life.

My life hasn't been the easiest with my health issues and unemployment. But there is one thing a secret thing that I didn't want to admit. I have really bad depression and anxiety. It always was really bad with at least one daily panic attack. It all came to head in the spring of 2015. I had just broken up with a year long boyfriend only a week before our anniversary and my dad got diagnosed with the serious condition of liver disease without ever touching a drop of alcohol or having any of the conditions that lead to liver disease.

So the day before Easter I tried to take a ton of sleeping pills. Luckily what I was not aware of is that they were natural sleeping pills and very hard to OD on. I told my parents after I woke up from a deep sleep that I needed help so they took me to the hospital. I ended up being shipped to a mental hospital in Provo. They found that I have a really bad chemical imbalance and I am now on several medications.

I'm sure you are wondering why I am telling you all of this. Well it's not to complain in fact going to that hospital was probably one of the best things that happened to me. I do know that I have gained a bit of weight these past few months. Well my pills make me extremely hungry and I can't walk very much because of my leg.

A lot of people feel discouraged when something like weight gain happens or if they have acne or scars. The world today everything is about looks and you are shamed if you aren't magazine perfect. But I'm here to tell you that I have never been happier. I feel like everything is going better for me I am able to write I am able to travel things I could never do before. I may not be the size I want to be and I am going to work hard to lose the extra pounds but I love me. I love me it's something I have never felt before I was always thinking I was wrong and not good enough.

So if you have a passion for something anything know that you have a gift from God. I realize I have kind of gone into religion here. But it's what I believe that every beam of light shines on everyone of you. It for sure shines down on me. I feel so blessed by that and I am grateful everyday that my suicide attempt failed because I am happy where I am.

Never sell yourself short because the most beautiful flowers have to grow with help from the rain. So I want you to believe in yourself and know that you are not a mistake no one is, It doesn't matter if you believe in God or not you are not a mistake. You are loved at least by me but probably more.

On that note I'm going to wrap this up just know that you will get through things get better and I will never be able to say how much I love you all.

One quick update. I'm headed home tomorrow and once home I will continue editing like crazy so thank you all again for following me I love you all until tomorrow.